Dear Mom, Please Don’t Take This As Disrespect…

In addition to the many life skills and lessons my mom taught me, there were 3 rules that served as supreme law of the land. ⠀
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As I search myself I'm discovering that what I once knew as "standard household rules" are also part of the problem. ⠀
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While these rules aren't universal in the black community, I know them to be a shared experience. They are as follows: ⠀
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1. What goes on in this house, stays in this house. ⠀
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2. DO NOT embarrass me.⠀
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3. When we get over here, don't ask for anything, touch anything, or act out. ⠀
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Asking or challenging why a thing was so, was to be met with resistance. "Because I said so" was the default disposition. ⠀
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In some households, TO THIS DAY this practice still remains. ⠀
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In part this goes back to slavery - when mothers had to keep their children quiet so as not to jeopardize everyone... What does it mean that my mom had to parent me as if we were still on the plantation? ⠀
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I can see that there was some rhyme, reason, and method to the madness. It worked until it didn't. ⠀
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An umbrella of protection and family reputation was also a road to hell paved with good intentions. ⠀
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The very same commandments that protect black children contribute to our playing small, making ourselves invisible, denying our desires, swelling with false pride, and thinking that to speak our truth would be disrespectful or shameful. ⠀
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Secrets and silence converted light into darkness. It began inside our own home. ⠀
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I was raised to be strong and independent. My conditioning stamped out my childhood before it's time and catapulted me into survival mode.⠀
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I'm starting to notice many of my friends and family are coming into the same awareness. A collective awakening of sorts is on the horizon. ⠀ ⠀
As you arise, here are the questions I leave you to consider for yourself. ⠀
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What if I wasn't afraid to speak?⠀
What if I didn't have to hide?⠀
What if it was okay to be authentic and open?⠀
What if I could be free from shame and condemnation? ⠀
What if they had nothing to use against me?⠀
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For me, I've discovered my answers to the above. I'm left with only one...⠀
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What happens now that I've broken all the rules?